By Lorna Woolfson (@lolcov)

When I went to The Craft Of Comedy Conference in Llandudno in April, I expected, at best, to hear from some people in the comedy biz about how it all works. What I didn’t expect was that I would come away with an opportunity to submit jokes to HIGNFY every week and get incredibly detailed feedback on each submission from the brilliant Ged Parsons. But that’s exactly what has happened.

The contest was part of a welcome package for the conference. It seemed like just a bit of fun. It was such a packed conference that no time was available to focus on it. Each person was asked to come up with up to three set up lines (not captions….whatever you do, do not call them captions) for a selection of 6 photographs. We handed them in on the Friday and went through some of them, with Ged, as the very last session of the Conference on Sunday.

A couple of mine were singled out and here I am.

What amazes me each week is what a craft these jokes are. In Ged’s feedback notes, he might tweak one word or rearrange the sentence to make it flow better or to make it funnier and each time he does, you can see that he’s right.  He’s very honest too; if it doesn’t work or it’s not funny he says so.

There are five of us from the Conference who take part and a couple of guys Ged had been teaching on a course. He gives us our feedback all together so that we can see what the others are getting right and wrong as well as ourselves. He told us from the start that it is very unlikely that any of our jokes will make it on to HIGNFY as it involves not only a great photo and setup but also a hell of a lot of luck. That said, last week, one of the guys did actually get their joke on the show.  So there is hope for us all…

Notes from Ged Parsons on writing jokes for images

Lorna and Ged have kindly shared their jokes and feedback for a series of amusing images. This is a brilliant read for anyone wanting to write jokes for satirical TV, magazines or websites. In each case Lorna’s entry is first, followed by Ged Parson’s feedback and the image in question.

Theresa May has hit back at critics who have accused her of not being enough like Margaret Thatcher

See image here

Very good. Nice idea, well expressed. Just a couple of tweaks. Use the present tense. And ‘hits back’ could maybe be changed – if we make her sound positive, that will then increase the contrast with the ‘far-from-positive’ photo. This was one of several very good ones you did. My edit:

Theresa May attempts to win over critics who have accused her of not being enough like Margaret Thatcher … 

North Korea’s new Women’s Institute has celebrated the appointment of its democratically elected new leader …

See image here

Very good, with a couple of tweaks. Hide ‘North Korea’, because it gives away too much, and we then know, almost always, who it is who’s about to appear. Avoid repetition of ‘new’. Maybe overstate the electoral ‘fairness’ for comedy effect. And use the present tense. This was one of your several very good ones. My edit:

A foreign branch of the Women’s Institute celebrates the appointment of its entirely democratically-elected new leader …

Prince Harry has received a response from the Queen and Prince Charles after requesting a blessing for him to propose to Meghan Markle …

See image here

Very good, but we can tweak what’s already here. Try to get the joke’s key word, ‘response’, as close as possible to the reveal of the photo that actually shows that response, i.e. put it at the end of the set-up line. Saying ‘their’ blessing is not only more usual, it also personalises their unkind reaction more, and makes it more funnily callous. Add some objective, but telling, detail about Meghan, for clarity, and comedy effect. ‘Official’ would add some nice wrong-footing. Use the present tense. This was one of your several very good ones. My edit:

After Prince Harry asks the Queen and Prince Charles for their blessing for him to propose to American commoner Meghan Markle, he receives their official response …

Ahead of the June General Election, the Liberal Democrats seek to attract disillusioned UKIP voters.

See image here

Good photo, good joke, well-written. I’d make a bit more of Farron’s uncertain, ‘less-than-comfortable’ facial expression. It matters less in this case that we’re told what the emotion in the photo will be, because the exact nature of what they’re adopting, (the beer), remains a surprise. Submitted as:

As preparation for the Election continues, there’s evidence that the Liberal Democrats are half-heartedly adopting the same strategy as UKIP …

At the races this week, one pensioner hopes for an upturn in her fortunes …

See image here

Good photo. I don’t think we need ‘at the races’, because those details don’t need to register – the viewers will fix only on ‘win a luxury car’. We don’t need ‘this week.’ I’ve made her plight sound more desperate, and added the ambiguous ‘state benefits’. Submitted as:

As state benefits are cut even further, one pensioner takes desperate measures to try and maintain her standard of living…

By Dan Page

Hello!

Only a few short weeks ago I had the pleasure of attending the Craft of Comedy conference in Llandudno.

The conference was welcoming, inspiring, engaging, insightful and informative – I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Nestled in amongst the talks, seminars, coffee and networking were the Comedy Crowd’s Chorts! Showcase, featuring a series of 2min videos featuring brand new comedy characters created by the citizens of the Comedy Crowd.

The showcase was slated to play on loop throughout the conference and then during the lunch session but a technical hitch at the venue meant the videos failed to play at all…

With disaster looming Steve Doherty (@SteveDoherty1), the conference organiser (and head honcho at Giddy Goat Productions) stepped in with a generous offer – the Chorts! would be played out as the last session of the conference. In the main hall. In front of every…single…delegate.

So there we were, a hall full of the great and the good of the comedy world, watching YOUR creations.  We’re talking heads of comedy for all the major channels, world-renowned performers and top class writers.

And, more often than not, they laughed.

As the Chorts! blared out on a 20-foot high projector screen with the sound turned up to 11, the audience enjoyed what was before them.  The hard work, the writing, filming, editing, polishing all paid off.

Yes, some videos got bigger reactions than others – sometimes it was a murmur of appreciation, other times a belly laugh, but all were applauded and appreciated.

It was a generous reaction from a generous crowd.

There may be a long way to go, but by Theresa May’s leopard skin shoes, that was one heck of a strong and stable start.

By Simon Paul Miller

The first bit of advice I can pass on is, if you ever get an invite to a Newsjack Writers’ Briefing, accept it immediately! I responded a day later and got put on a waiting list because the session was already fully booked. Fortunately, I got a seat at the quickly arranged second session on the same night. (For those that don’t know, Newsjack is a topical comedy broadcast on Radio 4 Extra that anyone can write for. See the Newsjack website for details on how to submit material, but you should also read Confessions of a Newsjack Addict so you know what you’re letting yourself in for.)

The producer, Adnan Ahmed, along with Abby Kumar, Co-producer, hosted the Writers’ briefing and both did a terrific job. Jenny Laville and Robin Morgan, who were both awarded the 2016 BBC Radio Comedy Writer’s Bursary, gave us a quick overview of how they got into writing for Newsjack and how it helped them into their present roles at the BBC.

Angela Barnes, the new Newsjack host, was there too and explained how she herself was both a writer and a performer. Angela came over as very empathic and encouraging throughout the evening. The whole atmosphere was professional, but in a very warm and friendly way, for which the team should be applauded.

I could go on an on about how good the evening was, but these blogs are supposed to be brief, so here are my notes from the evening. Hope you find them useful…

So What’s Changing in Series 16?

The big news is that the Viewsjack section has been replaced by a ‘Number Crunching’ section. Apparently there were not enough Viewsjack items being submitted. Here’s an example of one of a number of Number Crunchers that were written and performed on the evening by Jenny and Robin…

“24. Hours the tube lines were closed due to industrial action.

58 million. The number of people who don’t live in London and couldn’t care less.”

So the syntax for these gags, for those who like this sort of thing, is as follows…

<Number> <explanation of number> <number> <punchline>.

Ideally, these one-liners should be topical. As in the last series, you have a limit of six one liners each week, no more than three for each of the two categories (Breaking News and the new Number Crunchers).

However, for sketches, the short commercial sketch is being dropped. It’s just two sketches you can send in each week now and keep them short (if you get to page three, it’s a long sketch). Don’t just use front page stories, they like to have a wide variety of news stories in the show. As a general rule, you should try to use stories that were in the news on/after the Friday before the show goes out. Think about what you are trying to communicate so that the message and/or target of the sketch are clear.

All sketches submitted need an introduction which should be written in the ‘voice’ of the new host, Angela Barnes. To get an idea of her voice, check out her appearance in The News Quiz (Fri 6^th Jan) and clips on You Tube. She want’s self-depreciating stuff, which I’m going to find hard to write because she was so nice to us!

Useful Tips & Advice

Newsjack would like to be politically neutral but a lot of sketches/one-liners have a left wing or Remain bias. Submitting a good one-liner/sketch that takes a swipe at the left-wing or Remainers should increase your chances of getting something on the show.

Avoid anti-climatic endings. Sketches should end with a punch. A recommended technique is to think of a good ending first and then write towards that ending.

In answering the question, ‘How long is a one liner?’ Angela said, ‘Basically, if you’ve got a long setup for a joke, it had better be a bl**dy good joke.’

If you can get to the recordings, do. If your stuff doesn’t make it into the final show, it’s the only chance you’ll get to hear your material being performed. And getting your material recorded is a great achievement; don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t get into the final recording.

As with Nish Kumar, Angela will write her own monologue at the start of the show.

A sketch can be really short. For example, if it’s only three lines with one gag, if it’s a good enough gag, they’ll use it. But if that sketch could be a one-liner, it should be a one-liner.

Of the six categories in the show, Arts & Entertainment; Business & Economy; Politics; Science & Technology; Sport; World News, Sport is still the one that receives the least submissions. The team would love to receive more Sports related material and they hope the new one-liners Number Crunching category will encourage this.

There are two men and two women in every show. If you can use them (in a valuable way) to improve your sketch, it will make your sketch more attractive over it’s competition.

With radio, there are no sets to build, so you can set your sketch anywhere. (Another way to look at this that I’ve picked up elsewhere is, if you have written a sketch that’s an interview in a studio, ask yourself, ‘Isn’t there a more imaginative way to do this?’)

Edit your material. Don’t be precious over your stuff. Chuck out unnecessary/weak words/lines, leaving in as much strong stuff as you can.

Don’t worry about using famous people. If it’s funny enough, the crew will figure out how to get it done.

Any topical news story is viable, including local news. The team are looking for the funniest ideas/jokes you can pin on anything with a current news story, big or small.

Follow Newsjack on Twitter (Twitter handle: @NewsjackBBC). During the series they’ll be tweeting cast information and other useful tips that may help you improve your chances of getting something accepted.

My lasting impression of the evening is that Newsjack is in very capable hands and, more than writing for it, I’m really looking forwards to listening to this forthcoming series.

Simon Paul Miller writes (and performs in) The Rhyming Detective podcast.

The 16th series of Newsjack starts on BBC Radio 4 Extra, Thurs. 26^th Jan 10:30pm.

Homer is in the airport with the family, and there is a loud speaker announcement that “boarding has commenced for women, children and fat men.”

Homer replies “That’s me!”

Then the joke is over and they move on to another point.

We are half expecting a studio round of applause and for Homer to turn round and bow to the camera.

This is a joke from a recent Simpsons episode. If it was from an earlier Simpsons episode it would have played out differently.

When the announcement came over the loud speaker “boarding has commenced for women, children and fat men”, I believe the Homer character would have ignored it and carried on in blissful ignorance, possibly whilst eating a donut. Shortly afterwards a member of airport staff would inform him that as a fat man he should in fact be boarding, before the camera pans round to see a line of very fat men wheezing in the queue followed by a disappointed “doh” from Homer.

That is unless boarding with the fat men clearly made his life easier in some way, in which case he might well be pleased about it.

In my opinion The Simpsons stopped being funny somewhere around seasons 10 – 12. Changes to the writing team may well be the primary reason behind this.

Unfortunately in recent seasons the characters have lost their subtle traits, with Homer in particular becoming increasingly “wacky” at the expense of his laziness.

The fact that a change of writers makes such a big difference to a show that had very well established characters already in place shows that an idea for comedy needs good execution to make it work.

Good execution means keeping a character’s personality traits consistent. Even a relatively subtle change to the rules and boundaries set for comedy characters can make a big difference.

I still get a buzz when I notice a “classic” Simpsons episode on TV. The animation may not be as sharp, but the comedy writing was perfect.

Update June 2017 – Since writing this article an independent study has been conducted by Alan Siegel with hardcore Simpsons fans and creators on the show to determine the 100 best ever episodes.

There wasn’t a single episode in the top 10 from after season 7.

And all but 1 were from season 4 or earlier.

You can read the list here

As Siegel says of Homer in number 2 on the list “Even the stupidest, ugliest, smelliest ape of them all can be a good father.” This is a great round up of Homer’s early character and why the subtle shift to wacky / crazy man came at the expense of some of his humour.

I recommend reading the list as a reminder of how brilliant the comedy was at its best.

Something else you might like – The Comedy Crowd are developing a new channel dedicated to daring, original comedy shows like early Simpsons. Not like later Simpsons.

By Simon Paul Miller (with additional material from Jeremy Miller)

Mel Helitzer states there are six essential ingredients for humour. I’m not convinced that every joke has all six of these ingredients, but I do think it could be a useful concept to assess and improve my jokes. Mel has an acronym to remember these ingredients, which is THREES. I’ll briefly outline them below, but for a lot more detail (and plenty of one-liner examples) you can read ‘Comedy Writing Secrets’. (A revised 3^rd edition was released earlier this year almost immediately after I bought the 2^nd edition!)

T is for Target.

“I’m not a good lover, but at least I’m fast.” (Drew Carey)

Who, or what, your joke is aimed at is a critical piece of information you need to know and how funny it makes your joke will depend on your target audience. Don’t forget that the target could be the person or character saying the line, often the case if you are doing stand-up or writing a sketch/sit-com.

H is for Hostility.

“Donald Trump is a confirmed liar, nothing he says is ever confirmed.”

The more hostile your audience is to the target, the funnier they will find it. You’ve probably noticed that you don’t even need a joke if your audience really hates that person. For example, just calling Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt a rude word that rhymes with Hunt will get a laugh from most junior Doctors, but Jeremy Hunt is less likely to be amused, so you need to choose the right target for your audience.

R is for Realism.

“What has four legs and flies? A dead horse.”

At the heart of many a joke lies a truth and, up to a point, the more bitter the truth, the bigger the laugh.

The first E is for Exaggeration.

“I’ve told you a million times, stop exaggerating!”

There may be truth in what is being said, but in a joke, the audience usually allows some embellishment. Understatement is also included in this category.

The second E is for Emotion.

“My father had a profound influence on me – he was a lunatic.” (Spike Milligan)

Emotion can be used in the set-up to trick the audience into a state of apprehension, which is then deflated by the punch.

S is for Surprise.

“Boo!” (Jeremy Miller)

I can’t take credit for the previous line, it was inserted by my son as I left my computer to answer the door. I’ll refer you to Daniel Page’s article, The 2 Fundamentals of Comedy Writing, which more than adequately covers this ingredient.

So, after you’ve written a joke, or sketch (or indeed any comedy piece), you could go through this list of ingredients like a checklist and see if you can adjust your piece to make it funnier…

• Is there a target I could add to this joke, or a different target, that would make it funnier to the joke’s target audience?
• Can I phrase the joke differently to make my audience more hostile to the target?
• Is the ‘truth’ in this joke visible enough (or too overstated)?
• Would exaggeration (or understatement) help?
• Can I add or increase an emotional hook for the audience?
• Have I maximised the impact of the surprise?

Alternatively, you can use them to rate your jokes. For example, if you need to trim down a list of one-liners to send into Newsjack, rating them against each of these ingredients gives you a way of comparing them and weeding out the weaker jokes. If your joke doesn’t score anything in all the categories, then it probably isn’t a joke – but if you can prove me wrong, please do in the comments section below.

Simon Paul Miller is the creator of The Rhyming Detective podcast.

You can buy Mel Helitzer’s book for yourself here:

Comedy Writing Secrets: How to Think Funny, Write Funny, Act Funny and Get Paid for it

I have just finished reading John Cleese’s autobiography “So, Anyway…”

As an aspiring comedy writer, it is one of the most inspiring books I have ever read.

Cleese succeeded because he followed his ‘passion’ for comedy, and his story contains some great advice for comedy writers and performers.

There are 7 lessons that remain fundamental to modern day comedy creators.

1. Steal

That’s right, steal. John Cleese talks about how difficult it is to become really good at writing comedy. He says:

“If I may give a word of advice to any young writer who, despite the odds, wants to take a shot at being funny, it is this. Steal. Steal an idea that you know is good, and try to reproduce it in a setting that you know and understand. It will become sufficiently different from the original because you are writing it, and by basing it on something good, you will be learning some of the rules of good writing as you go along.”

I’m not a legal expert but I think it’s clear he isn’t talking about infringing copyright. The point I take away is this. Take a successful comedy you really enjoy, study the idea, structure and set up, and practise writing using that format based on your own experiences.

Ultimately as comedy writers we should and will develop our own unique style. But the message here is to be aware of what has worked before and why, to understand what it takes to write a strong comedy script and try applying the techniques to your own work.

2. Generating ideas

Cleese talks about how he and writing partner Graham Chapman came up with ideas for Monty Python. They started by using a Thesaurus.

As usual I picked up Roget’s Thesaurus and started reading words out at random.
‘Buttercup. Filter. Catastrophe. Glee. Plummet.’
‘Ah,’ Said Gra. ‘I like plummet.’
A couple of minutes passed.
‘A sheep would plummet, wouldn’t it?’ one of us said.
‘If it tried to fly, you mean?’ said the other.
‘But why would it want to fly?’
‘To escape?’
A couple of months later the ‘Flying Sheep’ became the first Monty Python skit to be recorded.

This initially struck me as an unusual way to generate comedy ideas. Generally the best ideas come from our own personal experiences (which probably rules out a sheep flying for most people). But it is a really interesting approach, and shows that actually the initial idea is just providing some inspiration, and that the creative development of the idea and characters is what makes it something really funny.

Cleese talks about the difference between realism and believability. You can have a very abstract idea that is in no way “realistic”, but the traits of your characters and how they react to their situation needs to remain consistent and “believable” throughout your sketch or sitcom.

This idea is also developed in one of the brilliant Tony Zhou “Every Frame a Painting” videos about Chuck Jones – Evolution of an Artist, where Tony demonstrates that you can have fantastical characters but they must follow a set of rules.

So maybe a flying sheep isn’t that absurd a place to start after all, as long as the sheep’s response to flying is the same as it’s response to other equally unusual and scary situations it finds itself in.

3. Writing with a partner and in a sketch team

We have talked before on the blog about the benefits of working with others, having a writing partner and being part of a team that can bounce ideas of one another making the creative experience more enjoyable. But to hear it from John Cleese and see how it lead to such great success is very inspiring.

Cleese worked most of his comedy career with writing partner Graham Chapman. They first met in the Cambridge Footlights, and wrote together for many TV shows, films, and of course Monty Python. Cleese says:

When you begin to write comedy, the biggest worry is simply: is this funny? Writing with a partner ensures you get priceless feedback and Graham and I worked together well: we found each other funny, and when we did laugh we really laughed.

Here is his experience of being part of a comedy sketch team for the first time at Cambridge:

What I liked most was being part of a team, and working with a common aim in co-operative spirit. The in-jokes, the friendly teasing and mutual helpfulness created a confidence, a feeling of being emotionally supported, that was the most motivating force that I had ever experienced.

4. The benefits of cutting out material

I know from personal experience how hard it is for new writers to get used to cutting their work, being able to detach yourself from the words that you created and accept that losing it may be for the best.

Here is what John Cleese says about the Cambridge Footlights show once they had started taking it on tour and cutting the material:

Our show had definitely got better since its Cambridge incarnation. It was now only sixty minutes long, teaching us that if you have an average show, and you can dump half of it, it doesn’t get a bit better – it gets a lot better. In fact, there seems to be a basic, rather brutal rule of comedy: ‘The shorter the funnier.’ I began to discover that whenever you cut a speech, a sentence, a phrase or even a couple of words, it makes a greater difference than you would ever expect.

Cleese backs this up by saying how hard it is to write a comedy film, because you cannot keep it consistently funny for more than 30 minutes or so, which means you need to keep the audience engaged through other aspects of the story. For those of us who have not yet been fortunate enough to have a comedy film commissioned, the message here is keep your early writing short, and get used to editing and cutting your work to make it as consistently funny as possible.

5. Productivity and writers block

Everyone who has tried any form of creative writing knows how this feels. Writer’s Block. Seemingly wasting limited time when inspiration just won’t come. It is reassuring to hear John Cleese talk so openly about this:

I would start in the morning with a blank sheet of paper, and I might well finish the day with a blank sheet of paper (and an overflowing waste-paper basket). There are not many jobs where you can produce absolutely nothing in the course of 8 hours, and the uncertainty that produces is very scary. You never hear of accountant’s block or bricklayer’s block; but when you try to do something creative there can be no guarantee anything will happen.

He also talks about how he became more relaxed when writer’s block set it, with the help of Peter Titheradge, former BBC producer and West End revue writer:

[Peter] got me to understand that, if you kept at it, material would always emerge: a bad day would be followed by a decent one, and somehow an acceptable average would be forthcoming. I took a leap of faith, and my experience started to confirm this mysterious principle.

The lesson here it to accept that those days happen even to the best and that slow days are a prelude to good ones. Writer’s block itself is not a problem, but panicking about it is. Which brings me to point 6.

6. The creative principle of anxiety

How we perform, how we are perceived, the impression we give is heavily dependent on our mental state. If we feel confident, we generally portray confidence. And vice versa. A good performance or action leads to a positive feeling.

John Cleese relates these ideas very well to writing comedy:

Writing and performing … taught me an important creative principle: the more anxious you feel, the less creative you are. Your mind ceases to play and be expansive. Fear causes your thinking to contract, to play safe, and this forces you into stereotypical thinking. And in comedy you must have innovation, because an old joke isn’t funny. I therefore came up with Cleese’s Two Rules of Comedy Writing:

First Rule: Get your panic in early. Fear gives you energy, so make sure you have plenty of time to use that energy.

Second Rule: Your thoughts follow your mood. Anxiety produces anxious thoughts; sadness begets sad thoughts; anger, angry thoughts; so aim to be in a relaxed, playful mood when you try to be funny.

This second “rule” is a great tip and one that definitely works for me. It also relates to point 5 about writer’s block. Don’t feel stressed when the ideas won’t flow because that will only encourage anxiety and create a vicious circle. Creating a positive mindset is a far more productive way to bring the best out of your comedy writing.

7. Pursuing activities for love, not money

I wanted to finish on this one because it is both humorous and the real overriding message from the autobiography. Cleese makes this point:

British journalists tend to believe that people who become good at something do so because they seek fame and fortune. This is because these are the sole motives of people who become British journalists. But some people, operating at higher levels of mental health, pursue activities because they actually love them. Thus I was drawn into comedy in a way I can’t quite explain but can definitely acknowledge.

Throughout the autobiography it is clear that John Cleese pursued comedy because he loved doing it, never with a direct long term plan for turning it into a career. The success came as a result of throwing himself into something he enjoyed doing.

This is a principle we can all apply, even if we are not 6 foot 4 with a remarkable gait and a bank of facial expressions to perfectly portray the rising frustration of a hotel manager or dead parrot owner.

The world of entertainment is very different now than it was in the 60s, but it feels like comedy is as relevant as it ever has been before. John Cleese and the Monty Python troupe changed the face of British comedy at the time. There are lessons we can take on to move it forward again today.

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As you may have gathered I can’t recommend this book highly enough. You can read it yourself through the link below:

Newsjack is back for another 6 week run giving comedy writers of any level of experience the chance to submit sketches and one-liners (and get paid for them!).

Newsjack is a satirical news show aired on BBC Radio 4 Extra, hosted by Nish Kumar.  It’s now into its 15th season and continues to pride itself on showcasing comedy writing talent. With such a great opportunity competition is fierce, so make sure you get practicing now – the more you write the better you will get. There are lots of different formats to write to which are all detailed below in the extract from the BBC website.

Here at The Comedy Crowd we have published great articles from a couple of Newsjack stalwarts that are well worth checking out:

Simon Miller – Confessions of a Newsjack Addict

Daniel Page – Writing Comedy is hard – but why its worth learning how.

You can also find tips and resources on the Newsjack page.

Submission guidelines (from BBC website)

Deadlines:

Sketches: Noon Monday 5 September.

One-Liners: Noon Tuesday 6 September.

Then at the same times each week, for 5 weeks.

Sketch Guidelines:

Please write an introduction for each sketch for Nish to read, clearly outlining the news story it’s from and setting up the sketch for clarity.

Each episode will have the following sections. The show will contain a maximum of 3 sketches in each section.

Arts & Entertainment

Business & Economy

Politics

Science & Technology

Sport

World News

Please think outside the box – delve deep for stories you find fun/interesting.

Sketch Limit per Episode: 2 Sketches per person.

30 Second Advert Guidelines:

This is a 30 second advert satirising something from the news that week – i.e. The Oscars, a political ad, infomercial, etc. Although we’re not asking for charity appeals this time. (We’ve had too many. Our sympathy has dwindled.)

30 Second Advert Limit per Episode: 1 per person. 130 words maximum.

One-liner Guidelines:

Each episode will contain one-liners in the following forms ONLY:

Breaking News.

A One-liner ideally linked to a current news story.

e.g: Obama gives interview to Buzzfeed. What happened next will warm your heart.

Goodbye TV Listings, hello ‘Viewsjack’.

That’s right, the one liners have evolved once again. Newsjack will head to the street to get various views on pressing issues.

Viewsjacks are vox pops in format – An opportunity for a quick, characterful one-liner from a member of the public.

e.g:

Man: ‘I’m voting for the Green Party because of their policy to introduce less severe sentences to prevent overcrowding prisons. Now give me your wallet.’

Woman: ‘If Kanye doesn’t like Beck, why can’t he just drink champagne like all the other pop stars?’

One-liner Limit per Episode: 6 One-Liners per person. (3 Breaking news, 3 Viewsjack.)

Fees:

There is a flat fee for all non-commissioned material (regardless of the writer’s previous experience):

£42/minute for sketches (£21/30 seconds for sketches).

£21 for quickies and one liners.

This fee will be for taking all rights in the work on a non-exclusive basis.

To submit your sketch or one-liner head to the Newsjack page to download the submission template.

To ensure you never mss out on opportunities like this subscribe to our weekly opportunities newsletter:

The Freedom of Mind Festival is on the lookout for original, quirky and comedically diverse scripts to be performed as part of a live comedy showcase in Bristol. The evening is to raise awareness of mental health issues and get people talking about it. The pieces don’t need to have a huge lesson of morality at the end and massive character transition, as they are looking for short sketches that can be anywhere between 5-10 pages (shorter if it works!).

Due to the “treading on egg shells” territory that surrounds it, they will be available to offer any suggestions and edits and test it with the crew over at Freedom of Mind Festival. They are also there to answer any questions you have, but ultimately write anything that you feel can broach the topic in some form, even if it’s really loose.

The scripts will be given to a selection of directors and performed live at the festival on the 7th October. They have some fantastic comedic actors on board and the event will be professionally filmed, so a great opportunity for showreels and something for everyone to take away, but most importantly it is a great cause to support and an issue that people must be aware of.

Please email submissions to maxwilliamhague@gmail.com and don’t hesitate to email if you have any questions.

THE DEADLINE IS: SEPTEMBER 1^st 2016

For more information on the festival itself please visit the site below:

http://freedomofmind.org.uk/

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BBC Radio Comedy is looking for a staff writer to join their team!

BBC Radio is producing some of the best comedy content to be found anywhere.  Not only is it the home of long running shows like The News Quiz, The Now Show, Just a Minute and I’m Sorry I haven’t a Clue, but it is also a fertile ground for new talent due to its quantity of output (around 150 hours per year) and openness to new writers in dedicated slots and on shows such as Newsjack.

The deadline for applying is 24th August, full details can be found here. This role requires you to have at least 3 broadcast credits with BBC Comedy, so most Comedy Crowders will be out the running, but if you don’t yet have the experience to apply for a role like this, why not start now? Are you not sure whether you are funny enough?…

You can find advice on writing for radio including a great Sitcom Geeks interview with Radio 4 Comedy Commissioner Sioned William in our Comedy Academy.

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Do you want to turn your passion for comedy into a career? Lee Dilley and Paul Farrell started writing together after meeting at university and have worked on a range of comedy projects alongside their day jobs. Now they have co-founded their own production company, Goat Tree Films, and have been privately commissioned to write, produce and direct sitcom pilot ‘In The Dog House’, which premieres on Tuesday 23rd August.

Their journey is one that many Comedy Crowders will relate and aspire to, so we caught up with them to ask about their experience so far.  Their responses contain some great insights about how they write together, what they’ve learned about creating real characters, and why they’re always working on multiple projects.

How did you get into comedy writing?

LD: ‘Very slowly but naturally, like putting on an old pair of slippers. I say naturally, but not easily; first you have to wear the slippers in. From watching comedy such as the Two Ronnies, Morecambe and Wise, Porridge, Black Adder, The Office, Inbetweeners, Fawlty Towers and of course Only Fools And Horses all my life, the next natural step was to imitate them in some shape or form. I was never any good at writing because of my dyslexia, so telling comedy stories verbally was my high. I tried writing but my confidence and inexperience hindered me, I even posted some early work off but I never even got a reply unless it was a bounce back. It’s the equivalent of messaging everyone on a dating app and the only reply is the dating app recommending a different app. At the start the writing isn’t the hard part at all – anyone can write. The hard part is being prepared to be judged on your writing, that’s the real art. Once you shake that bit off you will have the confidence to paint your personality into every word and then the words will start to feel real and breathe. I say this now but I couldn’t call myself a writer until I met my writing partner, Paul during my time at University. He also had a quietened voice, but really wanted to scream about comedy, a love for stories, great dialogue and character arcs. More than that, Paul had something I missed completely, “structure”; if story is King it’s nothing without its Queen of structure. Nail the structure and worst case scenario you’ll still end up with a standing house, 2 out of 3 pigs get this wrong.’

PF: ‘By being that pig for a long time. I’ve always aimlessly written since I was a child without ever realising that it could become a career (that’s still debatable), so once that clicked I went to University and met Lee. Basically, I paid 20 grand to meet my writing partner. I grew up wearing out VHS copies of Only Fools and Horses so comedy is engrained in my writing.’

Tell us about the first comedy script you wrote?

 LD: ‘It was Jobseekers #jobseekerssitcom inspired by the credit crunch and high unemployment rates, we [myself & Paul] didn’t just write it, we made it. I sold my only car, my precious classic Mini to fund the project and what money we had from our dwindling student loans (don’t worry, we’re never paying it back at this rate) we then premiered the pilot at Derby Quad Cinema and BAFTA and we were then signed to a UK Top 100 production company. Since then Jobseekers made it to commissioners’ tables from BBC CH4, ITV and more. Jobseekers unfortunately never got picked up but we had some very interesting feedback and about 50 re-writes during the 2 year pitching process.’

PF: ‘With Jobseekers it really was a crash course for us as new writers, you don’t exactly expect your first script to hit the desks of the major channels but it did (and it’s still sitting on a few). What we learnt was to not get to caught up in one project; you should have a catalogue of scripts and pitches on the go at any one time.’

How did your comedy journey progress?

LD: ‘Stories are about unravelling. Think of a knot in a ball of string, well the character has to find a way to that knot, sometimes making others but eventually they learn the way and all is undone again. The writing process is the same, you have to find your knots, what bugs you, what gets you out of bed in the morning or what stops you going to sleep at night. Find that knot then create a character and set them out to find it, the truth, the answer or question. As you might notice I enjoy a metaphor but I suppose put simply, the journey is one of truth, you have to be truly honest about yourself and why you do things as a character, you might not like what you see but eventually you realise they are natural reactions even if they are selfish, inconsiderate, rude, hurtful etc.. Nobody is perfect which means no character is either and that ‘false knot’ will stand out like a leather jacket at a vegan fair. Be honest it’s human, we have all these emotions for a reason, it’s normal, what isn’t normal is trying to hide it.’

PF: ‘It’s constant evolution. New found knowledge will destroy everything you have ever written but for the better. So the learning journey of the craft is a bumpy one, but the most rewarding. Even though we are only just on the road ourselves, we have written scripts in a variety of formats now from features to stand up. Each having their distinct hidden rules and boundaries to find that you can’t see without launching yourself feet first with eyes open. We are currently working on our latest feature film script called ‘UFHoax’ with all fingers and toes crossed this one will break free of the page.’

You’ve worked in roles as varied as a croupier and a nursery play worker – how important is life experience to being a good writer?

LD: ‘Very important if you want to write about a nocturnal croupier who works as a play worker in the day. Seriously though, I’d say extremely important – I’ve probably had 50 different jobs in my day but it isn’t particularly the job it’s who is doing them and why? People, it’s all about the people. Everyone has a story and experience is listening to and living through other people’s stories.’

PF: ‘Dead end jobs? Truthfully, it adds a grit and determination and a good fear of taking a backwards step if you don’t take an opportunity that appears.’

What would you advise someone who wants to write but doesn’t have a diverse range of life experience?

LD: ‘I’d say go get some! That’s exactly what I told myself at 21, and I went and worked on cruise ships and travelled to 5 continents and 45+ countries to find stories and create my own. Before travelling I created false knots in my stories, stories with part truths, too exaggerated, paper thin characters.’

PF: ‘You’ll write nothing feeling numb, so go out there and feel, good and bad. Also be fully aware that writing is a bizarrely twisted profession. You sit in a dark room in complete and utter self-isolation dreaming up human interactions. So it’s probably best to go out there and learn and experience what you’re going to spend your life banging on about.’

Tell us about your writing process?

LD: ‘So random we could never get assassinated, as a writing duo we meet whenever we can, after work, weekends, on the phone, in the pub before 2 pints. Unfortunately routine can only happen with paid work, and as writers you work for love and then you get money when other people fall in love with your work, which isn’t an easy achievement. I think as a duo it’s best to get the structure, chat about possible problems, outline the characters then go off individually to write jokes and dialogue, then pitch it the other writer as the character. Writing by myself I find 2am is the best time for me, I need absolute quiet, no TV, no phone and no next doors lawnmower. I do write in the morning sometimes but I hit walls quicker, walls not blokes, although it can mean the same thing. Your character might have taken a wrong turn and hit a wall, a bloke means you wrote the wrong character and he can’t get over the wall ‘end of story’. A wall means you need to have a break, usually a shower and find the way your character would try and get over the wall (obstetrical).’

PF: ‘Late Dinner. Gossiping like old women on a bus. Snack break. One great idea. That will do for today.’

How important is it to have a writing partner?

LD: ‘For British comedy it’s usually a duo, although John Sullivan wrote Only Fools And Horses on his own but he’s a comedy genius and an exception to the rule. I imagine it’s very difficult to find a writing partner with the exact same sense of humour, resilience, enthusiasm, goals and most importantly honesty. As a writing duo we lie down like therapy and confess our failures, needs, wants and could never gets.’

PF: ‘Its main benefit is having an audience member with you at all points so your ideas are always being challenged and questioned. ‘Why’ is our favourite word as you have to challenge every single word in a script. We usually find if one of us really fights for an idea it usually means they’re right.’

Tell us about Goat Tree Films

LD: ‘The name is all about how we as a couple of working class blokes look odd as writers, and so does a goat in a tree. However it seems to work somehow, and bonus, it’s funny to look at. Our mantra is we believe a great story promotes change. We also promote women in media, which brings us onto the next question nicely, that’s another thing about writing… plan ahead.’

PF: ‘We’ve always felt slightly like the out crowd, a couple of unfashionable filmmakers who don’t go home and watch a 1921 film from Botswana. We watch Jurassic Park. So Goat Tree felt perfectly awkward for us. Plus we also don’t have very catchy names.’

Tell us about your current project, ‘In the Dog House’?

PF: ‘ In The Dog House is a sitcom pilot inspired by the books of Sid Jenkins, who has devoted over 50 years of his life to animal welfare. It follows a group of naive kennel workers who go rogue to solve animal related crimes.

Finally, what advice would your current self give to your past-self at the point you started on your writing journey?

LD: ‘I would probably say nothing, because the truth would be, you’re not going to make it this year or the next, or the next and it’s going to cost you a lot of money and time. Sometimes it’s better not to warn yourself of the end goal because you won’t enjoy the ride. Or I’d say, structure, get the structure write you stupid prick do you realise how much we’ve had to write around your problems, move scenes, delete scenes, erase characters, days and weeks wasted.’

PF: ‘Those that talk the talk, rarely walk the walk.’

Tickets to the premiere of Lee and Paul’s latest comedy In The Dog House can be bought here .

Want to turn your comedy passion into something more? Here at The Comedy Crowd we are building a community that works together to create great comedy.  Subscribe to our weekly newsletter for the latest opportunities, advice and tools to create comedy:

Sketch Scribe is a competition looking for scripted comedy sketches from new writers from around the UK which are performed live at the festival by a super group of comedians formed from live sketch groups. The sketches will be judged by a panel of industry professionals who will decide on a winner. The deadline is 14th August.

The winning writer will have a chance to receive a development and insight session with an award-winning sketch group and a script development executive. Last year’s winner saw Michael J Byrne from Ireland win a development session with script editor Andrew Ellard (The IT Crowd, Red Dwarf, Cardinal Burns).

This is a great opportunity for our UK subscribers, so we approached Adam Dahrouge, the artistic producer for London Sketchfest to give Comedy Crowd subscribers some advice:

What have successful sketches in recent years had in common?

The writers were true to themselves. They didn’t try too hard to be something.You might expect us to be more specific but in this case it’s about the art rather than the science.

We could say that pull back and reveals are popular where you pull back the story and reveal a completely different joke. But these styles are transient, popular at one time and then they pass.

What is common behind all good sketches is a writer who is true to their style of comedy. It may change with time but you can’t fake it or impersonate without it being obvious.

What advice would you give about writing sketches for the Sketchfest audience?

Our audience now expects the unexpected. They expect clever, new takes on things. Ultimately audiences want to be surprised and exhilarated, either by an idea or a performance or being taken by surprise, or if you’re lucky all three.

It’s the writer’s job to come up with something that we haven’t imagined or thought of before, after that you’re performers will add another layer of character, so it’s important to focus on what’s at the core – the idea.

It may not come straight away but if you keep searching you’ll eventually surprise yourself and that’s when you know you have it.

What did you learn from sketch scribe last year?

Honestly, that as good as the writing is, the reaction of an audience is crucial for the development of a sketch. A good comic actor can help as well. Sketches are truly brought to life in their performance. It is where the characters really shine and it’s often the beginning of the next big editing phase.

It’s one of the reasons we thought we had to continue Sketch Scribe after it’s inaugural event at last year’s festival, it’s a great opportunity for writer’s to get their work on stage and move to the next level.

To view the full submission guidelines and submit to London Sketchfest Sketch Scribe click here.  The applications deadline is midnight on 14th August. 

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At the recent BBC Salford Sitcom Showcase Vanessa Amberleigh, executive producer of CBeebies, gave an enlightening talk on how to write for Children’s TV, attended by the Comedy Crowd’s Northern England correspondent.  There are an increasing number of opportunities emerging to write for kids, not least because of the sheer quantity of programmes, particularly on the BBC where there is a desire to produce more sketch shows.  If you’re serious about a career in writing, what better way to make your first impression?

Here are the DOs and DONTs we picked up from Vanessa:

DO

• Be adventurous.  When writing for kids you are writing for an audience with great imagination. Don’t be afraid to do something different.  Execute it well and they will follow you
• Remember the basics of comedy writing still apply. Create strong characters and use 3 act structure
• Use repetition and reinforcement.  If writing a series consider using format points, a cue in each episode where the audience knows that particular feature or action will always happen (kids love these)
• Try to weave in an educational or moral dimension
• Make sure you include physical humour (but be aware of imitative behaviour – every outcome should be safe and every intention should be non-malicious)
• Make your characters laugh (laughter is infectious for adults, but the effect is amplified in children)
• Be mindful that children, generally, like mess
• Set up situations that create anticipation and suspense.  Think pantomime – ‘What can the audience see that the characters cannot?’
• Consider use of music and dancing (not always required).  CBeebies will even accept standalone songs as submissions

DON’T

• Make it too wordy
• Introduce lots of sub-plots, stick to one
• Prioritise including references for adults (a common mistake)
• Include topical or cultural references that will be lost on your audience
• Neglect the use of slapstick gags that you might consider cliched, children won’t always know what is coming

There you have it.  Well done to the BBC for putting on this great event for writers.

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Further listening – If you are serious about writing for children we highly recommend you listen to this Sitcom Geeks podcast with Ben Ward, writer of ‘Horrible Histories’.